When Someone with Dementia Is Suspicious or Accuses You

An accusation that you took a wallet, moved a purse or changed a bank detail can be upsetting. A person with dementia may misplace an item, forget moving it or misunderstand what happened. But dementia does not prove that an allegation is false. Start by listening and checking the facts.

The Alzheimer’s Association guide to suspicion and delusions recommends staying calm, giving a short answer and not arguing. Alzheimer’s Society also advises looking into a concern rather than dismissing it simply because the person has dementia. This page offers general communication ideas, not a way to determine whether a specific accusation is true. For separate guidance about seeing or hearing things others do not, see our guide to hallucinations and dementia.

What can I say when someone is suspicious?

Respond to the concern without agreeing to something you do not know is true. A short, steady answer may help keep the conversation open. For example: “You are worried your wallet is missing. Let’s look together.” Then pause and notice how the person responds.

• Listen before explaining. Ask what item is missing or what made the person worried. They may be upset about more than the object itself.
• Keep your answer short. A long defense can add details that are hard to follow and make both of you more upset.
• Avoid arguing or quizzing. Do not demand that the person remember where they put an item or prove that you did not take it.
• Offer practical help. If the person wants, look in familiar places together or ask if they would like someone else to help.
• Stop if distress rises. Give the person some space and return to the concern later if it is safe to do so.

The accusation may feel personal. Try to separate the person’s fear from what is known about the event. You do not have to accept blame for something you did not do, and you do not need to settle every disagreement in that moment.

Could the concern be about a real missing item?

Yes. First check whether the item is actually missing. The person may have placed it somewhere unusual, someone may have moved it or the item may have been taken. Do not dismiss a report of theft, neglect or abuse because the person has dementia.

For a misplaced item, look together if the person wants. Check the places they usually keep it and retrace the recent routine. If an item is high-value, important for safety or still missing, tell the person what you know and involve a trusted professional or another family member.

If money or household tasks are shared, use clear records that the person accepts. Keep receipts or notes for agreed transactions and explain them in simple terms. Ask a qualified local professional about financial arrangements or legal responsibilities; this guide cannot assess those issues.

If you are unsure whether a concern is accurate, ask someone neutral to help check. Choose a person the individual trusts and share only the information needed to understand what happened.

How can familiar routines help with lost items?

Give frequently misplaced items a familiar place. A bowl for keys, a tray for a wallet or a labeled drawer may make it easier to find something later. The Alzheimer’s Society suggests using a consistent place for items such as keys or glasses. Ask the person which place makes sense to them.

Try one change at a time. Moving belongings without explaining it can make the person less sure where things are. If an inexpensive item is often lost, a spare may help in some homes, but it should not replace checking whether the original was taken or misplaced.

Make sure the person can see and hear as comfortably as possible. Dementia Australia notes that vision or hearing problems, illness, medicine effects, a changed routine or an overwhelming environment may contribute to changes in perception. Ask the person if the room feels too noisy or unfamiliar, and check that they have their glasses or hearing aids if they use them.

When should I ask for medical or outside help?

Tell the person’s clinician if suspicion is new, becoming more frequent or causing distress. Note when it happens, what was going on and whether anything changed in the person’s health, routine, surroundings or medicines. Do not start, stop or change medication based on a general article.

Sudden confusion or an abrupt change in behavior or health needs urgent medical attention. The NHS guidance on sudden confusion says to get medical help immediately. Use the local emergency or urgent-care system where the person lives.

If an allegation could involve theft, neglect or abuse, make sure the person is safe and seek advice from a trusted local professional or adult safeguarding service. If anyone is in immediate danger, contact local emergency services. Do not investigate a serious concern alone if doing so could put you or the person at risk.

How can I look after myself?

Repeated accusations can strain a relationship. Talk with someone you trust or a counselor, and ask for help with caregiving tasks if you feel overwhelmed. The family disagreement guide suggests ways to share responsibilities, and the caregiver self-care guide covers respite and support.

Stay focused on what can be checked, how the person feels and what support is needed. You do not have to prove your care in every conversation. If a concern keeps returning, ask the care team for help finding an approach that respects the person and protects everyone involved.